Stop Putting It In Perspective: Pitfalls and Pointers For Helping Your Employees Navigate Setbacks at Work
Your employees and colleagues will inevitably have setbacks.
The approach you choose during this coaching moment to address it allows for so much more than simple feedback toward a resolution. It’s a chance for connection and career growth — yours and theirs.
It’s possible that your younger employees haven’t experienced much failure at all, and setbacks in the workplace can be particularly stressful, embarrassing, and demotivating.
Recognizing that as a manager and leader, it is part of your job to help your employees navigate these complex emotions, here are a few points to consider:
Keep the conversation focused on your employee, not someone else.
A common initial reaction to comforting someone who has failed is to tell them about someone else who has failed and turned it into a wild success. Maybe you’ll share the story of Michael Jordan who was cut from his high school basketball team only to become one of the greatest basketball players of all time. Or maybe you’ll talk about how the crowd booed Jerry Seinfeld off the stage during his first comedy show. Or how Henry Ford’s first two car companies failed. Yes, sharing stories of famous people who have overcome failure can be inspirational, but it can also backfire.
“Well, I’m not Michael Jordan,” your employee may say.
“Jerry Seinfeld doesn’t have to worry about losing a customer or missing a deadline.”
“Henry Ford didn’t have a ‘reply all’ button to accidentally click.”
And your employees are right. Their failure isn’t about someone else. It’s about them. So not every employee will find these anecdotes helpful. Sharing these stories often shows a lack of empathy, minimizes their emotions, and may inadvertently add pressure to reproduce this kind of success.
Instead of making it about someone else, keep the conversation about them.
Putting the setback in perspective may seem like a good idea, but often the intention does not match the impact.
You may also be compelled to put their mistake in perspective in a different way by saying something like:
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
“Don’t stress.”
“It’s all part of your journey.”
“Look on the bright side…”
“At least you didn’t…”
We tend to do this because we are uncomfortable with the other person’s negative emotions. The intention is for the employee to feel better or to move on (so that we can feel better and move on, too). But while the sentiments shared are meant to assist, the impact may not match. These things may make the employee feel invalidated or ignored and may become less likely to be open to your ideas about how to move forward.
Impactful conversation tips to validate and get back on track
“You have my support.”
“It’s alright to feel disappointed, stressed, etc.”
“This is hard.”
“Thanks for trusting me with this information.”
“Would it be helpful if I put this in perspective for you?” Then, make sure they know that it’s ok for them to say ‘no’.
Once your employee feels heard and understood, you can effectively work together to create a plan for the future.
Intergenerational communication is such a key component of success in today’s workplace. For additional support and a full-picture view, I’ve created a course Leading Gen Z: Bridging the Generation Gap at Work. You can also reach me directly at sophielriegel@gmail.com for speaking and workshop opportunities in your workplace or organization.