How to Connect with Gen Z Over the Holidays

A guide for navigating boundaries around technology. (Written for Psychology Today)

Photo by Firmbee.com on Unsplash

The holidays are a time for togetherness and making memories. However, connecting with Gen Z (whether they live with you or are coming to your house for the holidays) can feel challenging for some. Gen Z’s relationship with phones, technology, and social media differs from other generations, leading to misunderstandings or frustration.

Here’s a guide to help you navigate the complexities of holiday interactions with a Gen Zer in your life:

1. Don't Have a Blanket "No Phone" Policy

According to a 2024 survey, Gen Zers spend an average of six hours and five minutes on a screen daily. You might think this is the only way to truly get a Gen Zer’s full attention is to take away their screens, but this is one of the biggest mistakes you can make when trying to connect with Gen Z over the holidays. While it may seem tempting to implement a no-phone rule, this is bound to cause resentment and isolation.

When Gen Zers are on their phones, though, know that they use their phones for a variety of reasons, including keeping in touch with their friends, staying up to date on the news, checking in on work, unwinding, and more. Asking them to put their phones away is the same as asking them to not do any of these things.

In addition, implementing a no-phone policy often feels personal. Even if you have this rule for the entire family, your Gen Zer may know that it’s about them and feel singled out.

2. Do Ask For What You Really Want (Connection, Attention, or Time Together)

When you are asking someone to put their phone away, what are you really asking for? What are you hoping a no-phone policy will achieve? Maybe you want to make a deeper connection. Maybe you want some undivided attention or more time together. Once you figure out what you want, you can frame it as a request instead of a demand. A request feels more positive and collaborative while a demand can feel personal and critical.

Instead of saying:

“Why can’t you just be present for once?”

“New rule. No phones during the holiday. No exceptions.”

Say:

"I’d love to spend some uninterrupted time with you. When would be a good time for that?"

“It feels important to me that we connect while you’re home. What is a good way for us to do that?”

Notice that when you ask these questions, you are asking for what you need while also allowing the recipient to maintain some autonomy. Sounds like a win-win to me.

3. Don't Assume You Can Take Pictures and Post Them Without Permission

You wouldn’t be alone if you wanted to snap some photos of the family over the holidays. Taking a few pictures of you and your loved ones may seem harmless, but not everyone sees it that way.

Growing up in the age of social media, many Gen Zers are hyper-aware of their online presence. With social media and the internet, it can often feel like everyone knows what everyone is doing and who they are with at all times. So taking a photo of us and putting it online can feel like a breach of privacy.

Even if you don’t plan on posting the photo, don’t assume it is fine to take it. To some people, a photo is not just a photo. I know from personal experience that it may trigger self-consciousness around body image or break down trust due to the lack of consent.

4. Do Ask Before You Take Pictures and Post Them

Before I was clear about my boundaries with social media, I had to ask my mom on multiple occasions to untag me or take down a photo she had posted of me. She meant well but it struck a nerve because she didn’t ask me first. Once I expressed this to her, she listened to my feedback and implemented it in the same way you should.

Before taking a photo, ask:

“Are you comfortable with me taking a photo of us right now?”

If you get permission to take the photo, you can proceed.

Before posting that photo, ask:

"Can I post this photo of you/us?"

Once you get a response, respect it and move on.

If you have certain needs around pictures, let others know them as well. It may feel important to you to get at least one family photo while everyone is together. You can make that request and let people know that if they don’t feel comfortable, they don’t have to be in the photo.

Conclusion

The holidays are an opportunity to come together, enjoy your loved ones’ company, and make memories. With family members having different habits and boundaries around technology, it may feel hard to connect over the holidays.

You may have a Gen Zer in the family who uses their phone more than you would like. Or maybe they have a particular preference about how memories are captured during this time. If you want to make it a priority to connect with your Gen Zer this holiday season, remember to make requests instead of demands and respect their boundaries. Hopefully, this will lead to a more meaningful holiday for everyone.

Link to original article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/mind-the-generation-gap/202412/how-to-connect-with-gen-z-over-the-holidays